by Ann Reavey, School Counselor

As anyone who follows the news cycle knows, we are living in strange and difficult times. From COVID-19 to the recession to wildfires, the message seems to be: if you are not afraid, you are not paying close enough attention. And this crescendo of alarm is building towards Election Day and its aftermath.

As I talk with students and faculty, I see evidence that fears about the election are impacting our children. Many have specific concerns about safety and health. Some are finding it tough to sleep through the night. Others are noticing their parents’ worry and are carrying it with them.

Right now, various educational organizations are preparing for the student support that will be needed in the days and weeks following the election. No matter how this election plays out, Sabot’s faculty will continue our commitment to civil discourse and respectful listening. Providing support, accurate information, and respectful norms around this dialogue will be key.

Here are some ideas for how you can support your child during this time:

Do your work. One of my mantras for 2020 has been this quote from Lama Rod Owens’ Love and Rage : “If we don’t do our work, we become work for other people.” Manage your own emotions so that your child is not 1) responsible for listening to you vent 2) absorbing your stress or 3) put in the position of caretaking for you. Instead, model positive coping strategies for managing emotions. 

Support your family’s fundamental good health. Adequate sleep, good nutrition, exercise, sunlight, social connection. These are the basics, the fuel in your tank, the charge for your battery. Ignore these requirements at your own peril; doing so will compromise your ability to regulate your stress as well as to manage your cognitive load. 

Listen deeply. Let your child express emotions without judgement and without problem solving. (I definitely struggle with leaping into problem-solving mode too quickly!) Allow space for your child to experience their emotions. Reread our previous blog posts about co-constructing understanding , listening , and supportive conversations ; although these blog posts are not about the election, they explore the practice of deep listening and how it supports the child.

Limit the news. This is a simple and effective, albeit difficult, strategy. Turn off your news alerts and notifications. Stop checking the polls. Limit how much news your child consumes whenever possible. Be more present in this moment right now.

Clarify your values . Children from preschool through to 8th grade are strongly and primarily influenced by their parents’ beliefs and values. Use this moment as an opportunity to clarify these values. Shared beliefs ground children during difficult times and provide resiliency and meaning. We are a family that believes in self-sufficiency and working hard. We are a family that values service to others. In this family, we speak up when we see injustice. Our spiritual beliefs guide our behavior and our work in the community.

Demonstrate empathy. Model empathy for your child. As I mentioned in a previous post , empathy is a foundational skill for co-constructing knowledge, creating connections, and growing metacognition. It can also help bridge the divide between people with different political viewpoints and values.

Embrace the gray . Encourage your child (this is harder for children fourth grade and younger) to move away from binary thinking – right and wrong, Republican and Democrat, liberal and conservative, winners and losers. Find the nuance and look for the places where we all exist together. 

Have difficult conversations. Model for your children what it looks like to listen closely to others who have different views. If your experience has been marginalized in our society, model for your child what it looks like to assess when and how to speak up and speak out. For White Americans this means being aware of privilege and allowing yourself to sit with and learn from your discomfort; you can reread our blog post on Talking to Young Children About Racism (From a Perspective of White Privilege) .

Stop talking through machines. I will acknowledge that this is tough during a pandemic! Instead of commenting on social media threads, whenever possible, engage in face-to-face, respectful conversations about the issues that matter to you this election. Consider staying off of social media in the coming weeks.

Reassure and look for reassurance. Don’t dismiss your child’s fears but do talk about the ways that they are protected and loved. Emphasize the constants in life – family, nature, your religious community. Even something as simple as focusing on your breath. Some children, especially our preschoolers but our older children as well, need the physical reassurance of a hug. Consult with the wise people in your life – an older relative, a religious leader, a mentor. Seek out those people that can help you stay calm and grounded.

Look for hope. Look for signs of unity, common ground, and shared beliefs. Point out progress and nurture positivity even if only about the small, simple things. Establish a family gratitude practice. 

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